Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize