Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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