imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize