Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize