i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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