Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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