Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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