Bisexual people are plain selfish.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize