he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
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The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
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They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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