So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
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It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
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You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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