I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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