i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
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The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
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i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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