Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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