i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
false alarm. still invincible.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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