I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
They took my balls.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize