Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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