you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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