If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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