I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
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I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
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That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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