i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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