i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
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You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
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...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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