Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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