my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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