you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
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Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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