I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
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Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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