I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
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apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
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You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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