I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize