It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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