I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
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he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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