im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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