goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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