I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize