So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
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Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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