everyone is single if you try hard enough
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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