Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
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Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
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It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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