Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize