I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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