Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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