i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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