how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize