And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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