Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize