is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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