After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
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Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
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New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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