It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
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I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
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I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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