all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize