Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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