I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
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2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
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I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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