Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize