I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize